When does something stop being normal?

So here I am again. At that one same point.

I’ve gotten to this point where I don’t even know how to say things anymore and sometimes I wonder if I should even bother…

I think it’s pretty clear to see that I have a lot of problems and that I’m a roller coaster of emotions. But how did I get this way, did he make me like this? Have I always been like this? I don’t know. I’m sure a psychologist could tell me. Why aren’t I there yet? It’s embarrassing… expensive… I don’t know.

It’s not nice when people say that what you say isn’t normal or how you react isn’t normal. It’s even worse when the one who is saying it is your partner, one of the people who made me the way I am.

So who even decides what’s normal and what isn’t. Is there like a rule book or something I didn’t know about?

Vicious Circle

Every time you keep hoping and expecting that he’ll change, and you wait for the day to come. You wait and you wait.

Bu the day never comes.

They let you down and they put you down, and nothing ever changes. The person who you thought loved you most, is now your worst enemy. You let yourself get hurt, over and over and then you cry and hope that one day things will change, but you already know they won’t.

You stick around though, you keep coming back for more because you just hope that this time things will be different. Then you get hurt. Things get said, and he compares you to other girls your age and it’s the final straw. He thinks you’re mad because he did’t take you shopping but it’s not that at all. Over and over throughout the year you’ve been compared to other girls your age and how much better they do everything and how much mature they are but you know it’s not like that, you know you’re better. But you can’t get the words out your head, words that had been repeated so many times before and you start to believe them.

It pains you to think that the person you once fell in love with would say those things to you now.

You’re not strong enough yet and so it turns into a vicious circle that you can’t get out of, maybe not now and maybe not ever.

What do you even like about me?

You’re right, I don’t like anything about you…

• But, I love that cute, small, closed mouthed smile you give me when you’re just happy with the world, happy with me.
• I love how you think you can cook better than me, but you’d never admit it.
• I love the crazy little dances you do when you get really excited about something that only you would get excited about.
• I love how we can totally be ourselves around each other no matter how weird we might be at times.
• I love it when you give me advice, even though sometimes it sounds like a lecture. I know you’re just trying to help me.
• I love how you brag about me to your friends, makes it seem like you’re really proud of me, it makes me feel loved.
• I love that even when I’m wrong you sometimes let me be right (or at least let me think I am).
• I love it when you say that you don’t let me win games so I can learn something.
• I love how you have like 5 different laughs and that I know the meaning of each and every one of them.
• I love the way you squeeze my knee when we’re in the car, as a little reminder that you love me.
• I love how protective you are over me.
• I love that fact that you just know so much about everything.
• I love hearing stories about your past, imagining how the stories of our future will be.
• I love how you have the patience to put up with my insecurities and all my other flaws.
• I love how sweetly you kiss me and hold me in the morning while I’m still half asleep, just to say bye to me before you go to work.
• I love how you try to give me everything I want even when you can’t afford to.
• I love how much you care about everything that goes on with me, even when we’re mad at each other.
• I love how you have the same tastes as me in a lot of things.
• I love how you let me listen to all the songs on the new Katy Perry album in your car even though you don’t like her and that you bought me the concert tickets to go see her together anyway.
• I love how we both love reading together in bed at night.
• I love having you beside even if we aren’t actually doing anything together.
• I love that you love animals (even if sometimes a little too much).
• AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON!!

P.S You’re my double rainbow, how could I not love you.